Comments:

Andy - 2008-04-05 10:44:37
I wonder if anyone from DiaryLand is grasping how totally directionless and isolated I am, and how totally clueless I am as to anything to do about it. Here I'm in this strange town, I know nobody, God doesn't seem to show me any path I can take -- no one commented on eight of my entries in a row, and I deleted them, and wrote another, and no one commented, and now I wrote one, and you'll probably comment back but only because I'm writing this. Is there something so horribly terribly wrong with me that everyone feels the proper thing to do is ignore me completely? Sometimes I just want to kill myself, but I never would have the guts. I feel like worthless scum for the amount of friends I have -- not even my daughter or my stepdaughter ever answers my emails. Everybody tells me I'm supposed to be in the Bay Area and not go back to the Village, even people from the Village say I should be here. But why? I don't care about my piano playing or my musical anymore -- I just want to be somewhere where if you walk down the street the average person smiles at you and you're not being treated like some kind of potential criminal everywhere yu turn. I literally cannot stand it here anymore!!! I wish I could leave today and just quit my job while I still have cash for the train. I'd stay in the homeless shelter in the Village and sweep the floor and go the Bible Study. I just can't take it anymore. I am totally alone.
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Andy - 2008-04-05 11:47:25
Maybe you might want to delete that last comment I made. My perceptions were obviously being warped by my negative attitude.
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